Gay conversion therapy

This is an interesting issue that I expect to neatly divide the liberals from the libertarians. Should "conversion therapy," a.k.a. therapy intended to make gay people straight, be banned?

Arguments against it:

• It's unpopular with the mob. "In two different national polls, more than 60 percent of Americans indicated that they believe conversion therapy doesn’t work." Who cares?
  
• The American Psychological Association says it's not backed by evidence. But this would support banning pretty much all psychotherapy, not to mention alternative medicine. Psychiatry is not a science, and it's common to see that any given treatment works for some and not others.
  
• Part of the reason there's no evidence base is that it's hard to verify whether someone who says he is straight is straight. I don't see a way around this, other than a longer follow-up period.
  
• Homosexuality isn't a "mental illness." But whether something counts as a mental illness or not is a political decision. People should be able to seek treatment for whatever is troubling them, regardless of whether it's in the DSM.
  
• Conversion therapy sometimes makes people feel worse. Again, no different from any other therapy.
  
• Children should not be given conversion therapy because they don't have the capacity to freely consent to it. I'm pretty sympathetic to the argument that children shouldn't be brainwashed. But why is brainwashing bad when applied to “correct” homosexuality, and not when applied to “correct” drug use, heterosexual sex, bad grades or any of the other sins for which children are sent to therapy?
  

Argument for:

• Boils down to the basic libertarian argument that people ought to be able to do what they want to with their own lives. Like it or not, some people don't want to be gay and are desperate for a way to avoid it. Cultural liberals may think it's laughable or sad for a gay man to marry a woman and call himself straight. But is it any more absurd than some of the weird sex liberals get up to?
  

How to make a phone call

The first step in making a phone call is putting the call on your schedule. Some people might do it immediately, but you can't risk calling at the wrong time. Maybe you haven't gotten enough sleep or you are in a bad mood or something. You also have to wait for a time when the person will be at work, decreasing the likelihood that he will answer. Maybe if you give it some thought, you can get what you want without a phone call. Really a phone call would never be necessary if not for the stupidity of others. Wait a few weeks or months.

At long last, when it's the right time, find the strength to look up the number. Then, go to the bathroom. Consider your shampoo collection. Which shampoo should you use next? The "rosemary mint" from the New Orleans hotel, the "aloe vera" from Wisconsin, or the "sugared citrus" from Minneapolis? The rosemary mint looks most expensive, but Minneapolis is clearly better than New Orleans.

If you decide you like the rosemary mint best, should you use it last, so that you have the pleasure of anticipating the best? Save the best for last, as they say. Or should you use it first, because you might die before you use them all? Seize the day, they also say. You wouldn't want to die without taking advantage of the best shampoo available to you. You will probably find this decision impossible, but spend some time on it anyway.

When you have lost interest in the shampoo, put the number into your phone. Stare at it, conscious you could still turn back. Then press the call button. Count the rings, forgetting to breathe. If it rings at least five times, it'll probably go to voicemail. It does. You will have planned out precisely what to say on the voicemail in advance, so this is the easy part.

Hang up, and get as much satisfaction as you can out of crossing out the to-do list item. Then it will occur to you that getting a return call is a real risk. Remember how the person's voicemail message said "I will call you back"— so decisive. You're screwed.

Try to distract yourself with an easier task. But how can you concentrate when the phone could ring at any moment? It sits beside you, like a viper ready to strike. You have made a phone call, but it made nothing better. Someday, you will have to talk to a stranger.